I’m No Stylist

This is my hair:

Pregnant? Same hair:

Formal? Same hair:Lawyer? Same hair:

Bridal? Same hair:

Disgusted? Yep. Still the same hair:

This straight, side-swiped bangs look has been going on for quite some time now. I got these little side-swiped bangs my sophomore year of college and I never looked back. It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine’s “delicate genius” friend has the same hair for years on end. That’s me.

CORRECTION: That was me. You see, a couple weeks ago I got a haircut. A brilliant haircut by a brilliant stylist. Then last week I was reading a contract. There I was with my side-swiped bangs reading and reading and reading, thinking, “Heck no you cannot assign without giving us prior written notice” and “Absolutely not will we go for a nonreciprocal hold harmless!” when it hit me: my bangs were annoying the heck out of me. How in the world could I read about indemnification when my bangs refused to stay behind my ear? My solution? No, don’t look in your drawer for a bobby pin! Instead, walk over…CLOSE your office door…pull out your office scissors…and go at it. Before I even had time to think about it, there I was holding the scissors thinking, “I just need to make them a smidge shorter so that they won’t be in my eyes. I’ll just cut them at an angle just…like…so….oh. Oh my. Oh my goodness. What have I done?”

The end result looked a little something like this:

I had one side that was way shorter than the other. I was, in short, an idiot. I immediately texted Ashley and told her she MUST come over and fix them. She was sweet enough to come to my house Saturday morning and do her best. The only problem was that I had cut them at such a blunt, and uneven angle that they had to just get shorter. The result now resembles this:Short, funky, layered bangs a la Alyssa Milano. The only difference here is that I am no Melisa Milano. I am a lawyer who works with people that are all twice my age and who do not understand why I would want to make myself look even YOUNGER than I already do. Hello sore thumb, how nice to see you in this office!

Oh well. So I look like a 12 year old for a couple weeks. Right? So people mistake me for Jack’s babysitter instead of his mother. Who cares if people think John is taking his little sister out to dinner? So someone thinks I am just hanging out in my dad’s office while he is down in the break room getting coffee. No big deal. I’ll live. Just don’t count on this being the next Molly hairstyle. I’ll have those side swipers back before you know it. And this time, they’re here to stay!