Seven Quick Takes—In Pictures

1) A couple weeks ago, I turned a year older. I celebrated by making us dinner (it was safer than letting John cook and ending up with “Campbell Surprise.” Trust me.) and drinking a bottle of wine that John gave me last year for my birthday. From the winery where he proposed. While I was pregnant and unable to drink. This year he gave me something that I could actually use without having to wait nine months: a hip 50s style apron from Etsy. Which I forgot to wear while cooking us dinner. Oops.

2) Jack’s new favorite thing? Standing. He loves to hang out in his pack n play and hang onto the railing and stand. He stands for about 5 minutes at a time. STOP GROWING UP SO FAST!!!!

3) We finally put bumpers on the crib now that Jack has hit the 6 month “SIDS safe(r)” time. Granted, I only use the breatheable bumpers but still…this is a big step for me seeing as how I’m super paranoid and “that mom”. You can see them in this picture. You can also see that I was out of town on business last week and Jack was NOT happy about it.

4) Jack is teething. Again. For those of you who have lost count, that’s 3 on the bottom and 4 on the top. With more coming. His two top teeth are already super far apart. He has inherited his awful teeth from me. Sorry baby boy.

 

5) Is it strange that I enjoy putting my son in clothes that reflect an attitude of 80 years his senior?

6) This little mesh popsicle thingy mabob stuffed with frozen peaches (organic, of course, because I am an overprotective helicopter mother) has been a teething lifesaver.

7) Yes, this picture is like 3 years old. But I just wanted this girl’s mama to know that I love her so much it hurts.

Have an amazing weekend!!!

Tired of Bedtime Craziness

This is John and I have a question for everyone out there in the world.  Why is it that when you go to sleep you can be freezing, yet wake up a few hours later and be so freaking hot?  The thermostat is the same at both times, but the temperature feels about 5000 degrees warmer.  Last night Molly woke up and walked into Jack’s room and thought to herself, “I’m glad I took a shower in my sleep so I don’t have to do it in the morning.”

Speaking of Jack, why is it that one night he can sleep 10 hours straight and if he were to wake up in those 10 hours, he’d cry for 2 minutes and fall asleep.  Then on other nights he’ll wake up and will not. fall. back. asleep.  I think it’s a form of early rebellion.

Do you or your spouse have dreams about the other one cheating on you?  Molly does all the time. In her dream world, I get around.  Sometimes she will have a dream where she is cheating on me… with me (I know it doesn’t make any sense), but most of the time it’s me cheating on her.  The other night, she had a dream where she was going to surprise me by climbing through the window into our room.  Well, when she got in there, I was in bed with some  “skinny little skank.”  Don’t worry, I told her not to worry about it and that it was a one time thing.  My mistress got up and ran out of the bedroom.  Then I asked Molly to get in bed with me… (I actually asked her something else, but it’s not family-blog friendly, sorry.)  Needless to say, she didn’t comply.  Crazy dreams like this are normal for her.

Jack is s.,itting here with me.  He is lunging for the keyboard… I’ll let him say a few words:  K   GHHHHHHHUP  U RTRBVJJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMK,M KLHJNG         KL NNN

H .P

1. B  V              }  \;=
2. `
3. \M   .mmmm                /kjj<j

Isn’t he amazing!?!?!  He had so much to say that he organized it into numbers!!  (I swear I didn’t touch the keyboard during that time, but I would like to thank Microsoft for it’s auto-formatting.)

Some People! (Take Two)

So there I am, hanging out at HEB after picking up Jack’s prescription formula. We had a little scare and didn’t realize he was totally out of formula until we opened the can and saw he only had enough for half a bottle and then went to the “formula” cabinet and realized it was empty. Now, for a kid that cannot have anything to eat except this formula, this is a scary thing to realize. So I was totally relieved when I called the HEB pharmacy and for the first time on earth, they just happened to have some in stock (normally, we have to call it in 2 days before we need to pick it up). Anyway, that was a completely unnecessary and unrelated intro…nevertheless, I continue on. Because I’m a trooper like that…

…so there I was with a cart full of paid for formula and about 12 items for dinner that night. All the lines were SUPER long. I’m talking “it’s Saturday night and I just did all my grocery shopping for the month.” long. Three carts deep. You get the picture. And there I was with TWELVE items and an itch to get home to my hungry baby. Then I saw it: the express line. Nobody was in it and the only thing stopping me was that pesky little sign, “Ten Items Or Less.” Okay, so I had 12. What’s two more items? That’s basically ten. Round down. I’d NEVER get in the line if I had 15. But it’s 12! That’s basically ten! Okay, so it was 13, but still! I could either wait 15 minutes for my 1 minute checkout or cheat a bit and sneak in the TOTALLY EMPTY express line. I did it. As I finished unloading my cart, a woman came behind me and huffed, “You DO realize this is the express line, right?” Yes, Grocery Police. I DO realize this is the express line. I also realize that the purpose of the express line is to prevent people from having to wait for cartloads of groceries to check out ahead of them when they will take 30 seconds to checkout themselves. Hence why I’m in this line. Instead, I sheepishly looked up and said, “Oh! No, I didn’t realize that.” She huffed again, this time like I was just the DUMBEST woman in the world. “Well, can I go ahead of you since I really DO have less than 10 items?” At this point, I should have said lots of things: 1) “I am actually planning to do 2 transactions, so it WILL be less than 10 items. Feel free to get in line behind me.” 2) “I got a hungry baby at home and this is his prescription formula. I really didn’t want to wait 30 more minutes before I’m home to give it to him.” 3) “It’s ‘fewer’ than 10 items. Nice grammar, lady.” Instead, I took the high road and said, “Of course, go on ahead.” She huffed her huffy little self ahead of me without so much as a thank you. For the next 2 hours, I just kept asking myself, “Did that really happen?” Did a woman seriously reprimand me in the grocery line for having three too many items? Just hours after I got reprimanded by a stranger for letting my child get a make-believe sunburn? Yes, I realize I let these things get to me just a wee bit more than a normal person would…but still! I am always shocked when people forget that, in the words of George Costanza, “We’re living…in a society We’re supposed to act in a civilized way. Does she care? No. Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No. No. A resounding no!”

Okay, okay. I’ll stop with my little hissy fit now. But I tell you, some people!

The Real ToT

I came back this morning to check out the ToT questions. Why, you ask? Because I didn’t want you all to be so bored with my lame-o previous post that you never came back to my little corner of the interwebs again.

As always, check out http://rootsandrings.wordpress.com/ for more Ten on Tuesday fun.

1. Growing up, what was one favorite item that you had to have with you at all times?

Water. I always needed a glass of water. One time we got in a pretty bad car accident and I was SCREAMING and crying and my mom, worried as all get out, said, “Molly?!?!?1 Are you okay!?!?!” to which I responded, “I spilled my water!!!” Tragic.

2. Being an adult, what is one favorite item that you have to have with you at all times, and what happens if you do not have it with you? Do you lose your sanity or just go back home to get it?

I’m sure we’ll all agree on this one: my cell phone. I’ll go back and get it.

3. Where is your favorite place to be to just hide away from everything and breathe for a moment?

My bedroom.

4. What is your favorite thing about your partner? (If you don’t have a partner, then someone who is very close and will always be in your life)

The way that he always, ALWAYS puts other people’s needs before his own. ALWAYS.

5. What is your favorite thing about your job? (If you don’t have a job, then what is your favorite thing that you do during your day?

I love my boss.

6. What is your favorite lesson that your parents taught you growing up? Looking back, is it something that you want to use to teach your children when they reach that age?

I can't really think of a defining “lesson” that they taught me. All I really know is that they showed me by example how to be good, giving, and learn from your mistakes. And yes, I hope my children see that in me too.

7. What is your favorite song, that will always bring a smile to your face and make you think of something happy?

“Single File is the Best Kind of File.” It’s a Willy & Molly original.

8. What is your favorite things about being an American? (If you not American, what are you proud of in regards to your country)
Freedom to live and worship in the way I choose.  And hot dogs.

9. What is your favorite meal that reminds you of being a child?

Chipped Beef on Toast. It has a few other not so nice names too.

10. Name 3 things that other people would say are their favorite thing about you.

My devilishly good looks. My abundant wealth. My brute strength.

Ten on…eh, nevermind

So it’s 8:06 and ToT questions haven’t been posted yet. Note: THIS IS NOT A DIG ON CHELSEA (the ToT creator), GIRLFRIEND JUST HAD A BABY!!!! But that means I don’t have anything to write about. Yes, to some of you, 8:06 pm still leaves lots of day. But for a girl like me, there’s not much day left at all. So I can pretty much guarantee that I won’t be checking back for the questions. Maybe I’ll get to them sometime tomorrow on my lunch break or something (lunch break, ha, that’s funny). But not tonight…not at 8:06 PM. Because this is the time I get ready for bed and snuggle in for some good old King of Queens or Seinfeld before dozing off. Okay, not quite this early…but an hour from now, you can bet that’s what I’m doing. So what’s a girl to do when there’s nothing to post about and you’ve already got an autopost for Wednesday finishing up your rant and rave from Monday’s post?

I guess a girl is just to ramble on with no real purpose in mind.

We went on our first fall walk tonight. It was great. Except that now I’m back at our house and I’m sneezing uncontrollably. So there’s that.

Hmm…so apparently this whole blogging without a topic thing isn’t working out real well for me and seeing as how I’ve asked you people over and over for topic ideas and the result is a echoing sound of crickets chirping, it looks like you’re just gonna be bored.

Sorry folks…looks like this is a 3 minutes you’re never gonna get back…

To redeem myself, I give you this:

“Ha Mom! That’s a real knee slapper!”

“So close! Now if only I could figure out how to move my arms and legs in a synchronized manner rather than all at once.”

Some People!

This weekend, we went to the Pecan Street Festival in Austin for about 2 hours. We went to Austin to meet up with Shayla, my dear friend who agreed to hit up her hometown IKEA and get us the last 3 chairs we needed for our dining room table. If you remember, we had a bit of difficulty getting the chairs ourselves. IKEA made me mad. Sorry, Astrid. I really do love IKEA. But still, it made me mad.

Anyway, we decided that since the Festival was in town, we’d hit it up while we were there. It was really neat and I can’t wait to go back when Jack can handle the heat a bit better. This time around, we loaded him up on SPF 55, a hat, a shade on the stroller and went for it. for the most part, people couldn’t stop talking about how cute Jack was. Perhaps it was his adorable hat.

Perhaps it was his nod to “Maybe the Dingo Ate Your Baby!!!”

Nevertheless, he was received with rave reviews. Except for one woman. I heard that when you have a baby, people will give you all their opinions, warranted or not. As we were strolling the aisles of the festival about an hour after arriving (and 2 sunblock applications), a woman stopped us and said, “Excuse me, your baby is getting sunburned!” John said, “Oh, thanks. But he’s not. We just put sunblock on him a couple minutes ago.” She gave him a look and walked away. Listen lady, my child will never be sunburned. My child will never even be suntan if I have anything to do with it. The best he can hope for is a tiny suntint. So please don’t come up and get all high and mighty and indignantly imply that we don’t know how to take care of our children. If you are genuinely concerned, that’s fine. And welcome even. But in that case, don’t be so snarky when you express that concern. Otherwise, you can get in line with the woman from HEB with “People I Never Want to Encounter Again.” What woman from HEB, you say? Funny you should ask…

Seven Quick Takes

1) I am in the Chicago airport on my way to come home to my boys. I've been out of town since Tuesday morning at a work meeting. It was a great learning experience and I got to network with the highest ups in my company. Nevertheless, I miss my family so much that it's hard to enjoy these outings.

2) I don't get Bieber Fever. Or is it Beiber? I don't even know. See? I am clearly not infected.

3) My sister sent me this text, "I just got a toy story laptop. I have robot sheets. When will I grow up? I'm never gonna get married." Personally, I like this childlike part of her. If anyone knows any good, Christian 25ish year old boys out there who have a childlike personality and hopefully a few tattoos, let me know. She's also kind of hot...if they are into that kind of thing.

4) There are a TON of people with itty bitty babies in the airport. Brave, brave parents.

5) Shayla, my delightful childhood bestie who lives in Houston, went to IKEA and bought us the last 3 IVAR chairs that we needed for our dining room set! We are meeting her in Austin tomorrow to pick them up and to check out the Pecan Street festival. Yayee! On Sunday, I plan to have my little sister come over and assemble them. That's another one of her charming quirks: she LOVES assembling furniture and IKEA is her favorite. And no, I am not joking. Unfortunately, she was biking across the country when we moved into our new house and had a million things to put together.

6) I hate that feeling where you're not hungry but you're about to be on a plane for 3 hours so you really should eat anyway. I would just grab a sandwich to bring with me, but for some reason I get really self conscious eating on planes. I think it's the tight quarters.

7) Have I mentioned that I hate/am scared to fly? Which sucks because I do it ALL THE TIME. Anyway, I will be a much happier girl 5 hours from now when I am safe and sound and reunited with my wonderful boys.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Jack Jumping

Jack learned something pretty darn awesome while we were in St. Louis.  The art of jumping.  Ya.. so he can’t stand on his own, but if there’s something supporting him, you can for sure bet that he’ll find a way to make you help him jump.

 

So… if they whole left-handed pitcher for the Cardinals doesn’t work out, maybe he can play for the Spurs.

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!?!?!

John’s Ten on Tuesday or “I didn’t realize Molly already did it Ten on Tuesday”

1. What’s the one thing you always do when you’re stressed?
Usually to unwind, I’ll spin around in circles singing “Strangers in the Night”.  Then I stop really fast and scream the ABCs at the top of my lungs.

2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for a friend?
One time, I took the friend out to the country, because he loved corn and we lived in Nebraska.  And I shoved him into the cornfield and said, “If you love it, then why don’t you marry it!”  Then I drove off and he had to walk the 10 miles back to town.

3. What cleaning supply could you not live without?
Q. What does P. Diddy use to clean his clothes? 
A. BLEEE-YACH!

4. How long do you plan on living where you currently reside?
Anywhere between 1 year and 1 million.

5. Do you usually vote straight party, a mixture, or not at all?
Tea Party… as long as they believe in higher taxes and more government spending.  If they don’t believe in that, then I vote for the Republican.

6. What’s something that you love to do, but seem to never make time for?
Skinny dipping, of course.

7. What’s your favorite store to buy things for other people?
Valero.  I always buy the guy next to me his gas.  Then I tell him to stop stealing gas from me and call the cops.  It’s always really confusing, but good for a laugh.

8. What’s the weather like around you today?
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.  Get it?

9. What’s the worst book you’ve ever bought and read?
The Life and Times of Your Mom by Your Mom

10. What’s the closest thing to you that is yellow?
The Sun.

Ten on Tuesday

Visit Roots & Rings for more ToT fun!

1. What’s the one thing you always do when you’re stressed? Breathe deeply. I do other things (call John, watch TV, get up and walk around) but not ALWAYS.
2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for a friend? That’s a good question. I can’t think of anything “weird” I’ve done for a friend. Anybody out there have any input here?
3. What cleaning supply could you not live without? White vinegar. Kills everything and not dangerous if the baby accidentally licks something that has been cleaned with it.
4. How long do you plan on living where you currently reside? 5 years unless I become a SAHM. Then probably forever.
5. Do you usually vote straight party, a mixture, or not at all? Straight party for the most part—although I DID vote for Ben Nelson. Lots of good that did me.
6. What’s something that you love to do, but seem to never make time for? Baths. I LOVE Baths.
7. What’s your favorite store to buy things for other people? Target. Target is my favorite store ever.
8. What’s the weather like around you today? Overcast.
9. What’s the worst book you’ve ever bought and read? Eat, Pray, Love. I realize I’m not in the majority here but I hated it.
10. What’s the closest thing to you that is yellow? A highlighter.

I’m On a Boat…

We all know and love the affable guys from SNL.  You know, Adam Samberg, that other guy, and that guy too… and, of course, T-Pain.

(That’s the edited version, but please be aware you’ll know what they sayin’ and what they sayin’ some people may not be playin’.  If you catch my drift.)

Anyway, a couple weeks ago Molly’s sister (this is John typing) suggested her dad get a boat.  A week later, he had a boat, the trailer, and a new SUV to go with it all.  Needless to say, I was amazed at how quickly it all went down.  In the end though, the Campbell clan plans to utilize the new boat as much as possible and make it a great way to “getaway”. 

It all started with our first trip out a couple weeks ago.  We headed to Medina Lake (or Lake Medina.  I never know and really think there should be some standardization in the english language.)

Anyway, it was quite the adventure. 

This is the first ride on the intertube:

(That’s me on the left and Bridget on the right.  We were pretty much amazing on it.)

This is Molly’s mom on the left and Bridget’s friend, Ashley, on the right:

Her mom thought it would be fun to stand up.  Of course, if you’ll notice there’s a boat right behind her, which nearly killed her.  Molly had a similar experience.

However, the highlight of the trip was Jack and his cousin Brady.  They didn’t really enjoy themselves much… mainly because their life vests were ridiculous.

Real comfortable.

Seven Quick Takes

1) It took me 6 months to finally agree to it, but we’re trying out “cry it out.” Jack was sick for a couple days and, as I’ve indicated here before, he takes after me on the whole “neediness” factor. When I am sick, I HATE being alone. Apparently Jack does too. As a result, I slept on the floor with him 2 nights in a row. It was easier than going in there every hour when he woke up to soothe him. This way, I could just put my hand on him when he woke up and he’d fall back asleep. Of course, I got NO sleep as a result. Now he’s all spoiled and thinks that sleeping with me is the life. Wrong. So far, we let him cry for 5 minutes at a time on Wednesday night. He slept through the night afterward. As I write this, he is napping after falling asleep during a “cry it out” session. I hate this but I hope it works. 6 months is too old to still be waking up as often as he does. If it doesn’t work within a few days, I’m not subjecting him to it even longer.

2) I only own 1 pair of Nine West black pumps right now. I usually own 3 at a time but two of them got too worn out so they got tossed. I feel like my closet is empty.

3) When John and I were in St. Louis, we went to our friend’s wedding. John’s high school prom date (okay okay, I guess she was kind of his best friend too) was there. I like her except for the fact that she picked out Truman with John. And we all know how I feel about Truman. Anyway, get this: SHE WAS FARRAH’S COLLEGE COMPOSITION TEACHER! Farrah as in Teen Mom Farrah. That was some awesome wedding conversation. Also, instead of cake, they had Ted Drewes ice cream.

4) Also in St Louis we took a 4 generations picture with John’s Grandma, his dad, him and our son. Isn’t John’s grandma just the prettiest lady you’ve ever seen? I adore her. But this picture makes me sad that I don’t have any grandparents around to meet my little Jackster.

But then I look at Helen some more and her sweet eyes cheer me up.

5) My birthday is tomorrow! Please send me lottery tickets. Or write into Ellen and get her or Oprah to pay off my law school loans so that I can stay at home with Jack.

6) And also see if they will pay Jack’s nanny to still come over every day and hang out with me. She’s part of our family now and I can’t bear to have her not be around Jack teaching him and loving him every day.

7) Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! No really, get on that “lots of money for molly” thing. Think about it: I could stay at home all day and John could come home to a nice clean house. I wouldn’t have to do my own version of “cry it out” every day when I go to work. And, best of all, while Jack took naps, I could blog! Right now, it’s tough to find time to post. Come on folks, do it for you. Do it for you. Make checks payable to “Molly’s Student Loans.” THANKS!

Intervention

As we learned yesterday, boys and girls, sometimes mommies and daddies say they are going to do something and then once they actually BECOME mommies and daddies and are faced with the situation in question, everything goes to hell in a handbasket. Example: me not being one of “those moms.” Example: us not spending money on that much stuff for Jack, he’s a baby. He doesn’t need all those fancy contraptions. Example: us not running into Jack’s room every time he cries. Example: us leaving Jack and going on date night once a week. And a Big Fat Example: us never giving Jack a pacifier.

You see, I was going to be the poster child for breastfeeding. The La Leche League was going to give me a medal of honor for ensuring that my child went a full year with no liquid other than my precious, life-giving milk ever touching his lips. They would make movies about the cancer-fighting nutrients I single-handedly provided to my boy. Ah yes, I was going to be amazing. None of that child-killing formula for my baby! And that lasted all of 6 weeks. Low milk supply (i.e., in a one hour feeding, the lactation specialist measured that he took in one oz. One ounce when he should have been eating 3-4 oz every 3 hours) + food allergies so bad that his pediatrician actually ordered me to stop nursing for risk of accidentally passing something dangerous to him + severe GERD that caused him to scream during feedings and refuse to latch = bye bye breastfeeding. Granted, I tried. I tried harder than any woman could. Heck, I smelled like a Denny's Grand Slam in hopes of making it happen. But alas, it didn’t. Nevertheless, I still followed all the “rules” for breastfeeding while I was still trying to make it work. One of these cardinal rules? Do NOT give your child a pacifier. I’m still not sure why. But I believed. I followed. I vowed never to give Jack one of those evil evil things; my boy would breastfeed and no darn pacifier would get in our way! I still remember the first time we had to give him formula. I bawled for an hour straight. All those Nursing Nazis make you honestly believe that if you give your child formula, there’s no ifs ands or buts about it: he will die. And there I was, 3 AM with a screaming baby who couldn’t get enough to eat from me, and I resorted to giving my baby poison! But what could I do? It was either let him starve or poison him. I chose the latter in hopes that maybe, just maybe, formula wasn’t as bad as they said it was. Besides, his was fancy prescription formula, it had to be okay right? Right?

I remember another big moment early on too: the first time we gave Jack a pacifier. The nurse came in our room on day 2 and told us that they gave Jack a pacifier dipped in sugar water during his circumcision to help soothe him. I about died. HOW DARE YOU GIVE MY BABY A PACIFIER? Don’t you know that I am breastfeeding and everyone on earth has made it very clear that pacifier = breastfeeding failure? I immediately pulled it out of his mouth and tucked it in my bag. I’d hold onto it for keepsake purposes but this thing would NEVER go in his mouth. Never! And those orthodontically friendly pacifiers that Hilary gave me for my baby shower? NEVER going to be used. NEVER, I tell you. Fast forward to night #2 at home.

Jack would.not.sleep. We discovered that letting him suck on our pinky finger soothed him. So there I was, lying on the floor next to his cradle trying to sleep while he sucked away on my finger. Surely this was different than a pacifier though. Surely this wouldn’t ruin everything. Except every time I’d doze off, my finger would fall out of his mouth and he’d start crying again. Eventually, he was crying so hard that John said the words we were both too frightened to speak aloud: “Maybe we should give him a pacifier.” Gasp. “A pacifier? But EVERYONE says that a pacifier will ruin him. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but I am following blindly all the advice given to me by every baby book out there.” John responded with a phrase that he KNEW would get me in agreement, “But I heard that it could help prevent SIDS.” Eff it. I ran to those Hilary gifted pacifiers faster than you could say “nipple confusion.” (which, by the way, has to be the dirtiest sounding phrase ever to anyone who hasn’t read all the books about breastfeeding like one neurotic mom I know. Ahem! YOU MOLLY!). And before we could even contemplate the ramifications of what was about to happen, we shoved that pacifier in his mouth and he calmed down instantly.

That pacifier has been our best friend for the last 6 months. It soothed him with GERD and tricked him into eating when it was too painful for him to do it on his own volition with a little method we call “the old switcharoo!” It helped him fall asleep at night and kept him from being fussy (sometimes). It started out with, “We will NEVER let him have a pacifier for, gracious, it will destroy his ability to breastfeed!” Then it went to “Well, we’ll take it out at 4 months. All the books say to wean him of it at four months.” Then, “Well the pacifier supposedly helps prevent SIDS, and the SIDS risk decreases at 6 months. So we’ll take it out at 6 months.” And here we are, at 6 months and one week and paci patrol is nowhere in sight. And the reason? This kid. He’s addicted. It’s like a drug—he needs it.

Calm? This would just be nice to have. Fussy? His paci will calm him down. Scared? This will ease his worries. Lonely? His paci is his friend. Tired? This will bring him off to dreamland. And if we try, even for a minute or two, to keep it away from him, it’s like a scene from “Requiem for A Dream” (which: as a sidenote, is a movie that will give me nightmares for the rest of my life and I still blame Justin Slagle for making me watch it in high school). At this point, we’re considering signing Jack up for A&E’s “Intervention” reality show and see if they can help him. We have now given ourselves until 9 months before we take the pacifier away. I’m sure it’ll get pushed to 12 months after that. But I am hell-bent and determined NOT to let him have it after 12 months. I’m sure that will just be lovely: he’ll be at the point where he can scream “paci paci paci!” over and over. Mommy will have no choice but to sit on the couch sipping a martini trying to drown out the noise of a child who can’t fall asleep without his drug of choice. At that point, perhaps I’ll be the one needing the intervention.

On Being “That Mom”

When I got pregnant, John and I had a few conversations about being “those parents.” You know the kind I’m talking about: the people who want to talk about NOTHING but their children. Baby this and baby that. We would love this kid to death and would give him all the attention we could…but we would not let him be our defining feature. After all, we weren’t defined by the fact that we were married to one another. We still had identities apart from “John’s wife” or “Molly’s lucky husband who gets to be married to that hot young thing.” You know what I’m saying here? So we weren’t going to be defined as “Jack’s parents.” We wouldn’t be “those people” who had a picture of their child as their facebook profile picture. We wouldn’t be “those people” who stayed at home on Friday nights—there ARE things called babysitters. And surely we wouldn’t let our blog be all about baby.
Ha.
Not only is my facebook profile picture me and Jack, John and I went out for the FIRST time on Friday night since Jack was born. And all we did was talk about Jack. And text the babysitter about Jack. And look at pictures of Jack. Gag me with a spoon! And look at this blog! Baby, baby, baby!!
And I gotta tell you folks: I took it a step further. I was reading a book (the hilarious “Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay”) and she was making fun of “those moms”. You know: the kind who never let their kid have bumpers on the crib and even make their own baby food. Holy crap, Molly! You have become “that mom.” And not only do I only let that kid eat MY baby food, it has to be made with organic vegetables and boiled in filtered water. Come on! COME ON! I didn’t really think much of it until we were in St. Louis. John’s grandma wanted to go on a walk around her neighborhood. It was a beautiful, breezy day around 80 degrees and a walk sounded fantastic. We loaded Jack up into the stroller and begun our stroll (because he was in a stroller, after all). About 200 yards in, I realized that the sun was hitting Jack directly on his pale white skin (as an aside, it’s pretty pathetic when a 25 year old woman has the exact same complexion as her 6 month old child who has never seen the likes of the sun. Molly = Cullen white skin. And much to the surprise of many a 14 year old girl and Megan, vampire white complexion is NOT hot). So anyway, there we were outside on a walk and I was terrified that Jack’s porcelain white skin was about to get burnt to a crisp. But wait! I was wearing a little sweater and a scarf. I’d just place my sweater over his legs and arms. That’d work to block the sun. So there! Perfect. Ah…much better. We walked a few more yards and I realized that his beautiful bald head was still smack dab in the sun’s rays. So there went the scarf. Wrapped around his head. And there went any shred of confidence this kid may have had as we walked the streets of Illinois. John kept saying, “Molly! He looks ridiculous!” My response, “He’s a baby! Better for him to look ridiculous than to look sunburned! Besides, it’s not like he knows he looks silly!” But clearly, he did. And his face in this picture proves it:
John snapped another picture as I was bending down to properly adjust Jack’s ridiculous coverings. I feel like this picture sums it up nicely:

Me (realizing I’ve been caught on film being slightly obsessive about my child): “What’s the big deal? I’m just trying to take care of him!”
Jack: “Ha! And you thought this handsome mug wouldn’t make you ga ga over me? Get real! I’m even cute when I look like this!”


Honestly, it’s probably a good thing that I WAS a breastfeeding failure. Can you imagine if the doctor hadn’t told me that it was dangerous to nurse Jack with all his food allergies? I mean really, I’d be “that mom” again: the one who nursed her children until they went off to 5th grade. I fear I’ve already doomed this kid for a life of embarrassment. Whatever. I gotta go make some organic peas to feed to my child on his hypoallergenic spoons while he sits in his ergonomic high chair. Don’t worry though. I’m not obsessed.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Favorite way to travel (plane, train, automobile, etc.)

Automobile. I hate the time it takes to get places but I like the feeling of being in control. Planes freak me out because I always think they are going to crash. I’m pretty much certain I’ll die in a plane crash. And then you will all come on my blog and point to this post and say, “Holy toledo! She was prophetic!” and it will be so amazing. But a waste too since I’ll be, ya know, dead.

2. Where’s your favorite place to travel to that you’ve been to?

I like Hilton Head. It’s been awhile since I’ve been there though and I hear it’s gotten pretty touristy. We used to go every couple years. We’re going back in June and I’m super excited to take Jack there. I used to LOVE it when I was little. Hanging out around the tree listening to Greg Russell sing. Awesome. Plus, there’s a place called the Salty Dog Cafe that we used to always go to. I always thought it was in reference to a kind of hot dog. Now that Salty Dogs are my drink of choice, I’m even MORE excited about HH than I used to be! A whole cafe devoted to salt, gin, and grapefruit juice? Double awesome.

3. Where’s the place that you want to go but have never been?

For some reason, I really want to go to Maine. It could have something to do with my undying love for lobster.

4. Do you deal with traffic well?

Um. No. Not at all. I am not a very nice person in traffic. I don’t lose my temper, I just get super antsy and need to GETOUTOFTHECARRIGHTNOW!!!!

5. Ever had an emergency while traveling?

Like wet myself? Not really. Though someone I know had to pee really bad in the car one time. That one time happened to be on my wedding night. She was driving home with a car full of people from the wedding and in her pretty little bridesmaid dress, had to get in the backseat and go into a water bottle. For some reason, all of 281 (one of the main highways in SA) was all one lane and/or closed in random spots on the night of our wedding so everyone was stuck in traffic after the reception. Including us. It took us 2 hours to get from the Museum where our reception was to our hotel. My brother was driving us in my new car. Which hadn’t yet been registered. He was in a tux and, understandably, didn’t have his license with him. He got pulled over for speeding (because holy crap! the bride and groom had been in the car for TWO hours and he was just trying to get us to our hotel!) and the cop couldn’t get any ID on him because there were no license plates and no driver’s license. So his only choice was to let him go or arrest him. Thankfully, after seeing me and John in the back set, he chose the former.

6. Do you have a passport? What countries have you been to?

Yes. Mexico, Jamaica, London, Italy (2). And Texas, of course.

7. Are you’ve light packer or do you pack everything but the kitchen sink?

I’m a pretty middle-of-the-road packer.

8. Do you take the fastest route or the road less traveled?

Fastest. My husband would prefer the road less traveled. It doesn’t make for fun car rides.

9. Do any activities on the road? (like road games, reading, sleeping, etc. )

Not really. Though one time I made a wreath on the way from St. Louis to Omaha. That was fun. And I’m not being sarcastic. I also scrapbooked once on a drive.

10. Use a paper map or GPS?

GPS. Who the heck wants to use a paper map these days?

Bridget the Babysitter

Bridget has become quite the little babysitter. As you know, my baby sister went on a cross country bike ride to raise money for MS research. After she returned, she had a college degree and some wicked tan lines. What she didn’t have was a job. So she’s our permanent back up babysitter. And now that Browyn (my other sister, keep up here people!) has decided to take Brady out of their terrible daycare, Bridget has become Brady’s permanent all the time babysitter until she finds a job she likes better. Frankly, I don’t think a better job exists: she wakes up 5 minutes before “work”, brushes her teeth, stays in her PJs, and deals with the terrible commute from the main house to the guest house. She watches TV and hangs out with an awesome baby all day long. And if she ever needs help or company, she just calls my mom to come over. Must be rough. Before our backup became fully booked, Bridget watched Jack a couple times while Laura was sick. Her text messages were fairly entertaining:

 

Your son has become much harder to change his diaper now that he grabs everything in sight, I put the diaper on backwards.

Your son hates me. He won’t stop crying.

I guess he thinks a minute nap is good enough.

Don’t tell me he’s not gonna poop for me, Molly. Don’t you dare ever say that again. It got on my hand. My effing hand.

Where do I feed him carrots? In his swing?

I can’t get Jack out of the high chair! He is stuck! He is going to be in here until he is 18! I am pressing the button. Nothing is working!

PS I got him out of the high chair

You know how I can eat an entire box of cheerios in one day? Yeah…you need more milk.

Your son is a freaking rollie pollie.

That crib tried to kill him earlier.

Home alone furnace = jack’s crib. both inanimate objects trying to kill small children.

You need more food. My stomach is eating itself.

At this point, I received a series of pictures of Jack with random “filters” on them. One of them had little butterflies all over it and she wrote:

Uh oh. There’s a bug problem in your house.

(one with sparkles all over it) Your son is Edward Cullen.

(one with flames) THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE

(one with raindrops) don’t worry, I put the fire out. everything in your house is wet though.

I asked her if she was bored. She responded.

No way!! too much going on in this house to be bored. Vampires. Fire. How could I be bored?

 

And there was no way I could be bored with all those texts coming in.

Seven Quick Takes

1) Truman is pretty darned sick. He’s been throwing up blood the last couple days. We took him to the vet and it looks like something is wrong with his spleen and they may have to do surgery. We’re waiting to hear back from the radiologist reviewing his x-rays. Not sure what we’ll do if they come back and say it’s going to take a really expensive surgery—especially since he’s an older dog. We’ll see though.

2) That was a bummer of a first take. Sorry to start off on that note.

3) Jack is in love with his Johnny Jump Up. Which is quite a fitting name since, you know, he’s John.

4) We’re running out of things to blog about. Anybody want to know anything about our oh-so-glamorous life?

5) I’m reading a hilarious book, “Sippy Cups Aren’t for Chardonnay”. I think all new moms and moms-to-be (ahem! Chelsea, ahem! Taryn) should read it. In fact, I was reading it on the plane and I was laughing and told John, “I have GOT to buy this book for Taryn! She would think it was hilarious!” to which he replied, “You don’t even know her. Why are you going to buy a book for a stranger?” I told him that yes huh I did too know her. And I know her humor and she would think it was hilarious and BESIDES she sent Jack two really cute outfits. He reminded me that I paid for them. WHATEVER! I’m a giver. What can I say? Taryn, Chelsea, read the book! Just ignore the part where she says to put bumpers on the crib.

6) Speaking of bumpers, Bridget bought Jack a little present after she babysat him the last time. She had put him down for a nap and heard him screaming. She went into his room and found his leg stuck in the crib rails. Apparently it was wedged in there pretty good and she even considered getting some butter to get him out. He was fine but she now refers to his crib as the “death trap” and bought us some breatheable bumpers. I am going to put them on the crib here soon. They are basically mesh bumpers that help keep their limbs from getting stuck but there’s no fabric really for them to suffocate on. Thanks Aunt B!

7) My parents bought a boat last weekend. It was an impulse buy. My impulse buys are gum and pens. But whatever. We are breaking it in on Saturday afternoon for boat party. I plan to talk about my flippy floppies and my nautical themed pashmina afghan the entire time we’re on the water.

Why, hello!

Yes, we are still around. We went to St. Louis over the long weekend for a wedding and to see John’s family. As it turns out, we didn’t do a whole lot of blogging while we were there. So now we are stuck in that terrible, “Oh no! There are no blogs on auto post!” mode and we hate writing posts when we get home from work. Let’s face it: if we don’t write them on the weekend, they generally don’t get written.

So instead of telling you all about our trip (which will happen), how about I just show you some cute pictures of my son? You know that’s all this blog is really about anyway.

 

TWINS!!!

They don’t come any cuter than this. He is officially 6 months old as of Tuesday. Best 6 months ever.

Seven Quick Takes

As you can tell, John and I took turns this week. The first one is mine, the second one is his. The third one is mine, fourth is his. You get the picture.

1) This conversation actually happened:

Me: Leroy (my mom’s crazy sun conure) is insane! He’s always hitting his head up against the aviary. He’s crazy!!! You need to get rid of him, mom.

Bridget: Well of course he’s crazy! He was smothered.

Me: He was? When was he smothered? Who smothered him?

Bridget: yeah! That’s why he was so cheap! Mom and Dad got him on the side of the road or something because he was smothered into the country.

 

2) A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a drink?” he asks. “For you? No charge!”

 

3) I took my 7th grade class picture in a denim shirt and a tie. And in case you went back to do the “every other” counting to see if this entry was John, you read it right: I, Molly, wore a tie in my seventh grade picture. My best friend, Kelly West, wore a denim shirt and a tie too. Long story short, I looked just like my MALE best friend in our 7th grade pictures. Awesome.

 

4)

 

5) I have an iPhone 3. I had an iPhone 4 but John stole it from me because he’s the one in a technology job so it made more sense that he have the nice phone. Plus, before I got it, I had a crappy old phone. So an iPhone 3 is better than no iPhone, right? Actually, no. Especially after being introduced to the beauty and speed that is the iPhone 4. When John gave me the 3, I kept telling him, “I think something is wrong with this phone!” I’d only ever had an iPhone 4 before that so I didn’t realize that the 3 is actually a piece of crap. It infuriates me how long it takes to even pull up the screen to make a simple phone call. This video really is accurate:

 

6)

7) I got hosed on my end of these Quick Takes. John didn’t even write anything!!! And he only got 3. No fairsies! Have a great weekend everyone! And a WONDERFUL Labor Day. I will NOT be laboring on Monday so don’t keep your hopes up for a blog post.

Happy Anniversary!

Nine years ago today, my big sister was the first in our family to get hitched. As any good sister would be, I was a remarkable Maid of Honor. Except not at all. Not even a little.

You see, there are 4 girls in our family. Not EVERYONE could be the maid of honor. So what did we do when the oldest got engaged? We drew straws. And whoever won got to be Meghan’s maid of honor. The two sisters who were left over would be each other’s maids of honor. Nevermind the fact that one of us was in college, one of us was in high school, and one of us was in middle school. Never mind the fact that Bridget and I both lived in Texas and Browyn and Meghan both lived in Nebraska. Sure! Take the risk that a 12 year old may be the maid of honor! Don’t use logic and choose the sister who is actually 21 and may be able to throw a halfway decent bachelorette party….not to mention the fact that the bride lived in Nebraska and the only qualified sister also lived in Nebraska. So you guessed it peeps: I drew the winning straw and, at 16 and from 1000 miles away, I was the worst maid of honor ever. Clearly, I couldn’t throw a Bridal Shower. Obviously, a bachelorette party was out of the picture. Help with the wedding? But I had to make time to read Of Mice and Men! GET REAL!

I ended up throwing a “bachelorette” party the night before the wedding that, shockingly, none of Meghan’s friends wanted to attend. How dare they! I spend all my hard-earned allowance money on nail polish! We were going to paint each other’s nails. In our hotel room. Which was right next door to my parent’s hotel room. It would be a killer time!

Meghan, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was a terrible maid of honor. But hey, it could have been worse! You could have gotten Bridget! And nobody likes a bouquet thrown at them on their wedding day.

And at least I looked real hot being your maid of honor. I mean, look at those wispy tendrils of honorness just hanging out on my face. Those things scream “maid of honor!” And you know you love holding my hand and looking longingly into my eyes.  And hey, why can’t I see our pretty nails that we polished up real  nice at your ragin’ bachelorette party? And my nice pale skin? Mmm hmm sister. You done chose real good. Or, rather, the straw did.

The Many Names of Jack

A few days ago, I was reading Astrid’s blog about her sweet little Tilly and came across this gem: There's a Danish saying I love, "Kaere barn har mange navne," which means "A well-loved child has many names." It was funny to read that because John and I always talk about how many names we have for Jack. Reading that phrase made me think, “That’s perfect!” because it is so very true. So for those of you who get bored of the baby posts, you’ll hate this one. I apologize in advance. For those of you who love the baby posts, you’re welcome.

His birth name is John Robert. We call him Jack. He’s our:

Jackaroo

Mr. Man

Jackster

Jack O Lantern

Mr. Wide Awake

Senor Stinky Pants

Mr. Blue Eyes

Handsome Guy

Smashy Face

Mr. Bipolar

Jackson

Pukey Pants

Drooley McGee

Fussy Face

 

Sweet Boy

…and those are only the ones we’ve called him today.