The Analytics of Considering Campbell

I love Google Analytics. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a website that tells you where people are coming to your blog from, what they are searching for to find you, and how many readers you have.

As you may or may not recall, we aren’t bloggers. Yes, we have a blog, but we aren’t the real kind of bloggers. So our piddly little 50 person readership is fine by me…except for the fact that I don’t think I know 50 people so who the heck are these 50 people reading all about our lives? But, I digress…the point is that google analytics is always good for an interesting overview of how in the world people find our blog.

Here are some of the recent keywords that brought people to our blog:

1. “What kind of spiders are loose at the omaha zoo?” Uh oh, Henry Doorly, you better get on that.

2. “What is the strangest place that bed bugs have shown up” this is now the second google keyword search regarding bed bugs that has brought someone to our blog. I am SUPER freaked out about bed bugs…to the point that when I return from a business trip, I take off all my clothes in the laundry room before I even enter the house and throw them, along with everything washable in my suitcase, into the washing machine. I then take a shower immediately. Bed bugs freak me the heck out. And it’s not like I’m staying at the Motel 6 either. I’m just a paranoid freakshow. But I don’t recall blogging about my irrational fear before so I don’t know why google has brought people to Considering Campbell on more than one occasion as a source for bed bug info. Although I have to assume that since I’ve mentioned bed bugs about six times just now, I will be seeing more traffic from bed bugs searchers. BED BUGS!

3. “What page ‘just because we were licked a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win.’”  It’s on page 87, Chapter 9 of one of the best books ever written…and a book that probably every lawyer on the planet attributes, at least a teeny bit, to his/her legal aspirations.

4. “Tongue stuck metal.” Thanks Browyn.

5. “Stuart Bankey” Hmm…this is one of John’s coworkers. Along with the search for “Haleema Harhara” (which has brought people to our blog six times!), I am not sure why searching for random people’s names seems to bring people to Considering Campbell. Here’s the deal: I know these people but I don’t know that I have EVER mentioned them on our blog. And I really don’t know that Haleema has ever even commented…heck, I haven’t talked to the girl in years. I like her, but I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about her. So why is that bringing people here? Interesting…

6. “Adult Swaddle” or variations thereof (“swaddle adult”, “how to swaddle adult”, “how to swaddle a dog” "adult baby swaddle”, “adult swaddlw”, “adult swaddling”) have brought people to our blog about 40 different times. Why are so many creepsters trying to figure out how to basically put another adult in a straightjacket?

7. “Have you ever broken any bones?” is it slang? No, I don’t believe it is. Why? Has someone told you it is? Give me their name. I’m gonna mess them up. I told them it wasn’t slang…but they just wouldn’t drop it.

8. "Y’all grammatically incorrect.” Don’t tell that to Lauren From Texas. She may lay down some Texas justice.

9. Lots of people have searched for "boiling kettle/boiling water/boiling tea” and stumbled upon us…I don’t quite get it.

10“butt jaundice” Well, OBVIOUSLY, that would bring you here. We’re all about butt jaundice. All I ever talk about, in fact.

1` “chopped off my hair” Yes, I did. Maybe one day I’ll show you a picture.

11 “Bridget Campbell singing @ Pastor Campbell’s birthday.” Nope, not that Campbell. Though people DO say John and Bridget have a weird relationship and I have, in fact, been asked whether I’m concerned that Bridget and John will run away together someday. No, I know they won’t. Because John and I make too cute of babies together and Bridget knows that I will cut her.

13“picture of mom and dad sitting on couch while children are watching television.” well, seeing as how our kid is too young to do anything with the television other than chew on the table upon which it rests, I don’t think we’re the right blog for you.

14 “His circumcision.” Now what exactly was this person hoping to find with this google search? I gotta believe it wasn’t good.

15 One person found our blog by searching for “Christmas Footie PJs” and spend 30 minutes on Considering Campbell. Which leads me to wonder…are you now a regular reader or was that a one time “I’m bored at work” kind of thing?

16 Denim Shirt clearly.

17. "Babies and putting things in sockets.” Did I give some wise advice on this once? I’m senorita paranoid. We had socket covers before Jack really had the chance to electrocute himself.

I am beginning to think that I need to just insert really random phrases into my blog posts in an effort to bring more comical keyword searches here (and thus give me some more blog material). Please don’t be surprised if you see posts all about how quickly Jack is growing up and a caption reads “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” or “why are viruses referred to as obligate parasites?” or even “why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?” You’ll know that there is a method to my madness, folks. Or maybe just madness…madness with some good analytics.