Jeepers, Creepers! What’s the Scoop on those Peepers?!?!

I’ve had a couple questions lately about the status of these here eyeballs. Well, in the past week, we got some bad news: the right eye has developed the same condition as the left eye. Essentially, I have wrinkles in my retinas and a big growth in both eyes. The wrinkles (retinal striae) are causing the detailed vision center (macula) to get lost in between the folds. Then add to that the growths (progressive staphylomas) that are literally turning my eyeball from the shape of a golf ball into the shape of an egg. Imagine a balloon—as it gets more and more filled with air, it stretches out. Here, it’s stretching in the back of the eye due to the growth (which is where my detailed vision center is) and as it stretches more, I develop cracks in the macula and retina. The macula is being stretched and the growth is pushing it right out of commission. Of course, glasses/contacts don’t do anything for it because the vision is literally getting “lost” in between the folds of the wrinkles. One of my doctors described the staphyloma like a mountain. The macula/retina is sitting on top of the mountain and as the mountain gets bigger and bigger, the vision center is falling off the side and the mountain is literally blocking my vision. And then it’s getting so stretched that it develops cracks as if you are looking at the surface of the dry desert. The only surgery option is one where they take the lens of a cadaver eye and basically cut it into an X and attach it to the back of my eye in an effort to reinforce the eye and prevent the “mountain” from growing any more. Here’s the tricky thing: it is experimental and only one doctor in the US does it. His results are not great. It’s expensive. And the "X” misses the optic nerve by a hair. In the event he screws up, it will hit the optic nerve and kill ALL vision in the eye. So here’s where we are at:

I am expected to have 20/200 vision (legally blind) in my left eye and 20/100 in my right eye. One doctor told me 20/400 in left eye and perhaps 20/200 in the right. Either way, right eye will probably be stronger. So what does this mean? I will be able to see lights and shapes and colors in that left eye but won’t be able to make much out of them. The right eye will be like having my eyes constantly dilated—I will be able to see big shapes and pictures but won’t be able to read worth a darn. Basically, any detailed vision will be gone. They haven’t given me a timeframe per se but we are guesstimating about 2 years. Maybe shorter, maybe longer.

But before you are all “that sucks” about it, look on the bright side:

1. I will be a stay at home mom…clearly, a lawyer without any detailed vision to read contracts isn’t much of a keeper. Let’s just hope my kids don’t want to play hide and seek. Because they will ALWAYS win.

2. Someone asked me if I would get a handicapped parking tag. Let’s think about how that conversation would play out: “Hi DMV? Yes, I need to apply for a parking tag for the disabled parking. My disability? I can’t see parking lines. Or street signs. Or..wait? What’s that? You’re revoking my license? Hmm…that didn’t turn out like I’d hoped.” On the other hand, this means saving money with only one car and only one car insurance. So if you want to hang out, you have to come haul my butt around town. I’ve always hated driving anyway. And really, it’s not like you can ask the nearly blind chick to chip in for gas money. That’s just heartless.

3. I will probably never have to worry about being anorexic again. I mean, my senses will be heightened so food will only taste better, right? And who cares if I look fat in the mirror from all that food? Not like I’ll be able to see what my body dysmorphic disorder is throwing back at me.

4.“But honey, you HAVE to vacuum. What use am I? I can’t see whether I have picked up the dirt sufficiently or not.”

In all seriousness, SO many people have been praying for me. And while those prayers have not stopped this from happening, I have to say that I am shocked at how darn at peace I am about all of this. Your prayers have helped me really be calm about my future and I cannot thank you enough. We are going to take this head on and we are going to be a-okay. At least I am. I can’t speak for John. But the girl who is sitting on the couch eating nachos while her hubby vacuums the house and has to drive the kids to soccer practice? Yeah, she’s gonna be just fine.